It is so difficult to watch Kyle be in such pain. We all as parents just want to take our children's pain away. Imagine not even knowing what the pain feels like? How many of us know what damaged nerves feel like?
"Maybe it's just the nerves waking up" was Greg's thought. That helped me a little by putting a positive spin on it, but even so, when your child looks you in the eye, with intense sounds of pain......all I could do was keep saying "I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm sorry, Kyle."
To make matters worse, his nurse's technician this morning wanted to make this a "training morning" for me. I obliged, but listening to Kyle's anguish as she "trained me" made me turn to her and say "Can you please just do it? He's hurting too much." A show of insensitivity from her just made anger and tears well up.
When Kyle was later taken to x-ray, I used that time to go up to the family lounge and get us some movies. I thought that would help my heavyhearted mood. We also had an "ice cream social" to look forward to in the afternoon. But things just got worse.
Each time I brought Kyle to the ice cream table, he would yell out in pain. I would then wheel him away to somewhere quieter. We would try it again, but same response. My escort, Matthew, suggested maybe it was too much stimulation for him. This was the first time he has ever pointed to his head when asked where the pain was.
I still count my lucky stars, though. I am ever so thankful my prayers were answered on that awful night. I know how much worse it could have been.
And when I have days like this, it's ever so helpful to reflect on the memories that bring me joy.
Joan, Greg is basically correct. There will be more pain as the nerves repair and signals start working their way through the system again. So while so difficult to witness now, it is a good sign that he's gaining that back. I love how faithful you are to document all this in words and photos. Thank you for being so open to sharing it all with us. Hugs. Lisa
ReplyDeleteHang in there Joan !! There i going to be lots of frustration too for Kyle. Are you sure it is pain and not frustration? There are no doubt questions and answers he'd like to verbalise and he cant just yet. Do you use an Ipad to communicate with him too? If he can point and nod maybe it wont be long before he can one finger type? For sure there will be plenty of 1 step forward, two steps back scenarios and somehow you will findthe strength to cope....because you have to. Don't forget to have some YOU time
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the pain he and you are going through. I'm praying for you daily throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Joanie. He is such a strong handsome man! I hope that the bad days are fewer and the good days continue to multiply.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for all those encouraging words. I wish there was a "like" button, so you know how much all your thoughts mean to me. Carolyn, his therapists brought up the frustration factor this morning. We are thinking along those same lines. His speech therapist worked very hard on speaking this morning. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer before those words start flowing.
ReplyDeleteI'm really pleased they have mentioned the frustration factor with you Joan. I see it plainly in the photo above with Alex !! At least in time it will become more clear what is frustration and what is pain, although I am sure he has both. Even pointing to his head may not indicate pain but he has no real way to communicate just yet. There will be a lot of anger too so be prepared !! I know you will continue to be Kyle's strength in the meantime along with Greg and Alex. But you really MUST make sure to have time out. It's a long journey.
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