I have no photos for tonight. I did not even go to any of Kyle's therapies today. That's a first! I had no desire to. I was not even going to write, but something is making me.
I've always been a fan of the glass half full outlook in life. I don't find it hard to do. But there have been lots of reasons to feel down lately. Some I have written in detail in my notebook, only to go back later and say,"Whoa, that's pretty personal stuff. I don't want to embarrass him." But on the other hand, this is where I want to pour my heart out. I thank you, Betsy, for your reassuring words, "Thank you for not thinking you need to make it look perfect."
It is so much easier to write about the good stuff. The glass half full makes you happier. But the highs and lows today came one right after the other. But no worries, all I had to do was walk down the hall and there would be someone, guaranteed, that I could share a smile with. And it felt good tonight when Issac passed me and said, "You're always smiling!"...... I try.
Now, just imagine a vibrant young women, in a wheelchair, with no use of her legs, always smiling. We pass each other in the hall every day, but she is so busy talking with whomever she is with, I've not even gotten a chance to say hello to her yet. Today, I went up to her and told her she has the greatest smile. I watch her from afar just to see her smile. I have overheard her say some pretty inspirational things, as simple as, "Well, we can't all be perfect."
She, in turn, has been watching Kyle from afar, and had some really kind words for me about the . improvements he's making. She also was soooo thankful to me for telling her she had the greatest smile. By reaching out, I just may have made her day.
And she, mine. :)
Joan, nothing was perfect before the accident, funny how we all try to make everything be perfect now. I'm sure being positive is so helpful, especially for kyle, and i too believe a smile when you least feel like smiling will eventually become a geniuine smile. But at the same time you need to be careful to take care of you. Its okay to have down days its even OK to show Kyle how to manage a down day. Because as you said not everybody or everything is always perfect...but that sure as hell is just fine. And honestly if we here reading ,who love and care about only read perfect we are going to worry about you. I know I will, cuz this damn thing called life doesn't work like that. So purge, vent, laugh, educate us. Whatever you need this blog to be. We love it all cuz we aren't perfect! :-) and we care about you all.
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Oh so true Margaret !! It's good you have taken a day for yourself Joan. It's not going to be easy for a long time. I wanted to say to you yesterday that I hope they are helping you too with coping strategies. I don't believe that you have to allow yourself to be Kyle's punching bag. But of course the trick is in finding a way to let him know this without having him lose heart but at the same time letting him know you don't have to put up with bad behaviour. Only so many allowances can be made before the line has to be drawn !! I think as time goes on you would be wise to take more time away. This might be the time to remember "Familiarity breeds contempt" I think just maybe Kyle will treasure you more once he realises you don't HAVE to be there. Ask the experts...they're there for you too I'm sure :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you BOTH ladies. Very much what I needed to hear. Today was another day I had to walk away from him. I sat in the garden, I took a walk, I let staff give him lunch AND dinner, and I went and worked out in the gym. I haven't been going to all his therapies anymore. Hoping that will help, but from what I hear, it hasn't made a big difference. But, I can't worry about that. They have to deal with it, and you are both right, I have to take care of me.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you Joan but have been following your family's difficult journey (my son is a classmate of Kyle's). I cannot imagine what you are going through but your positive spirit shines in every post. I am sure it helps Kyle everyday whether he realizes it or not. I continue to keep Kyle and all of you in my prayers.
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