Our Brain's Filters, Our Bond Returns, and When Kyle Learned to Walk (on Video)

I started writing this entry on November 16th but never finished.   Much has changed in a month (as always with Kyle's ongoing recovery) but I wanted to leave this in so as to still chronicle the continuing ups and downs of our life.

November 16, 2015 

I try to be honest, honest about the road we travel with Kyle.

So in all honesty.....

Kyle and I are not on good terms right now.  This has been happening more and more lately.

Maybe I'm too sensitive.  Maybe I should try harder at letting it roll off my shoulders.  Try as I do though, sometimes it can just bog me down for days.  It just down right hurts.

He won't be able to read this because he's blocked me on on all social media.  I didn't agree with him on a particular behavior, and although I choose my words carefully when discussing important matters, he can just go off on me in an instant.



Frontal lobe injuries are the cause of lost "filters" in our brain and disinhibition is high on the list for TBI survivors.  When this filter is broken, things that we would normally just think about, but not actually say out loud, can just come flying out.  When your frontal lobe is damaged, there is no "braking mechanism" for self control.  And all of this increases with fatique.

This lack of awareness can certainly be harmful to Kyle and hurtful to those he aims it at.   Saying and doing exactly what you feel without being aware of the consequences is not exactly favorable for an 18 year old.

I'm starting to understand it is not deliberate, but even so...

This list defines the problem perfectly:

• Saying things to others that would normally be kept private. 
• Blurting out whatever comes to mind without self censoring first.
• Making comments that are hurtful to others.
• Respond abusively or aggressively to others because the filter to stop excessive responses (over reaction) is not in place. The anger seems out of proportion to the event that triggers it.
• Not following social / cultural rules. 
• Being disinhibited sexually. 
• Not being able to control urges as well. Eating excessively, or not monitoring amount when drinking alcohol.

So this was left unfinished, and that's ok.  I am happy to write today about better times.

December 13,2015

I had the best time with Kyle last weekend. Something we haven't had together in a long time.

We laughed, we explored, we shopped, we talked at length, we socialized, we gave back, and we laughed (that needed repeating).

On Sunday morning, we went for a walk/run that lasted two hours.  We discoverd the Stateville greenway, and the Parks and Rec fitness center, soccer fields, and track.  We found a huge playground and couldn't wait to tell Leanna.  We were just so excited with this new find.  And I was so happy reliving our long walks and talks from back in Atlanta.

In the afternoon we played Black Light Mini Golf and my first time ever Laser Tag.  I've never even seen the inside of a Laser Tag room so I had no idea what to expect.  Kyle and I were the only two in there playing and he made it so much fun for me, I haven't laughed that hard since I can remember.

I made sure to thank him many times.  And I am grateful for his continued healing.



Other things that made me smile....

Kyle AND Leanna both got their real Christmas trees  ♥

We enjoyed a great dinner, and we added Alex and Leo to our conversation.

                   

Too cute!  ♥  I'm told they adore him. (Thank you Laura for this priceless photo)

                   

(And this one too)  I think they have a special bond. And this hug is just what the Dr ordered.

               

To wonderful, wonderful friends. Thank you Laura and Gene ♥

                   

A Reflection on Goals, Dreams, and Hard Work....

                                                 



                                               


                                              


                                             

Letting loose of the reins (so to speak)  September, 2014

Atlanta in January, 2015

                     

Atlanta in January, 2015
He has little memory of these things, so we will never know what, if any, "reflective" thoughts he had.

                    

North Carolina in December

A Note To Kyle....

I know you have no memory of this, so as you watch this video of your first attempts at walking, (with that constant hum!! lol) know that we are all so proud of all your accomplishments and of all the goals that you are setting now.  We know it's a struggle, but stay focused and surround yourself with supportive people who love you and want to see you reach your dreams, just as you were surrounded in Atlanta.  Think clearly (yes I know that can be a challenge) but you can do this!  Be strong, dedicated and make good choices and you will go far.  You got this.